


Frozen

by cryptidturtle



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Gen, M/M, not compliant with tlj, set before the last jedi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-04-01
Packaged: 2019-04-16 15:18:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14167740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryptidturtle/pseuds/cryptidturtle
Summary: A skysolo fic that follows Han and Luke's relationship of love and loss.





	Frozen

Han can’t quite pinpoint when it first started. At first, he only saw him as some kid who was in way over his head, just a farm boy who daydreamed about journeying the cosmos and leaving it all behind. Han couldn’t help but notice the far off look in his eyes when he imagined it all, the way his blue gaze seemed to brighten when he thought of leaving the cluster of sand and dust that was Tatooine, how he bit his lip and the corners of his mouth curled into a small smile at the idea. The kid was a dreamer, Han could tell right away. Yet his scoffs of contempt at the boy didn’t feel as sincere after noticing, almost as if he never really meant them. Maybe it was then, maybe after, maybe he always had felt this way. But he couldn’t deny he felt…. something.

The moment Luke laid eyes on him, he had a feeling he was in trouble. Everything felt like a whirlwind of emotion, the death of his Aunt and Uncle, Old Man Ben’s stunning information, the beautiful girl pleading for help displayed on the droid, the sudden mission and purpose he had, and now…. him. The pilot’s hair was dark and had a sort of bounce to it, his eyes almost gleamed like he knew something you didn’t, his smirk and body language oozed confidence. Luke committed everything about him to memory, the way his shirt collar was opened and crooked, the way his eyebrow was raised slightly as if daring someone to argue with him. Luke desperately wanted to pick a fight if only to wipe that look off his face. This man had seen the stars and the edges of space. Luke felt a twinge of jealousy, or maybe just a twinge of something entirely different. He couldn’t deny he felt something, whether the feeling was contempt or longing Luke still hadn’t decided.

Luke and Han edged around each other uncertainly, not sure how to interact. Insincere challenges issued but never fully delivered. Then they were being pulled towards the Death Star, and placed with a mission with what felt like impossible odds. Through winding steps of the mazelike Death Star and the synchronized steps of the Stormtroopers, the two searched for who they were looking for. There she was. Suddenly the confused and repressed feelings between the two seemed pale in comparison to her. She like their adventure was a whirlwind of incredible feats and rage. With the new member in their party Leia forcing down her overwhelming grief with her uncontrollable need to fight for her cause. Luke’s confusion bubbling over into loss for whom he had only moments ago. And Han’s instincts that have kept him alive for so long screaming at him to abandon these people he barely knows but already cares deeply for, the war outside themselves seems easier.

Luke is stepping out of the cockpit in a daze, only just barely aware of what had just taken place. With the lights in the rebel warehouse overhead he looks like an angel descending to earth, descending to Han. He had never felt so much relief to see that face again, he stepped forward, he stepped back. “Let the Princess greet him”, Han decides, “I’m not the one he’s hoping to see.” Luke smiles in the arms of what feels like his new family, so soon replacing the one he’d lost, his grin falters as he sees Han turn away but returns once more when Han offers him a grin of his own and a slight nod as if to say, “good job.” It is enough.

Time passes, the rebels cling to life so barely. In the frozen stronghold in the dead of night, cold lips meet and numb hands hold, and they grasp onto each other and grasp onto warmth. Small smiles are shared and teasing is not unkind. It is cold, it is frozen, and it is temporary. But it is bliss, and it is theirs. All too soon it will go wrong, and they know it will, so they make use of their time. The rebellion can only hold so long. Eventually they leave pursued by the Death Star. It feels painful but it wasn’t meant to last. Luke pursues the teachings of Yoda, Han pursues the help of Lando. They should’ve known it couldn’t last. Han and Leia gaze at each other before he goes under. He loves them both. He says, “I know” instead. He feels cold again, but not the way he felt before. He wishes he could’ve seen then both before he froze. Luke feels pain, not unlike the pain of leaving Hoth. But it is tripled. His father was supposed to be a hero, his father is a monster. He feels the loss of his hand, he feels the loss of Han. Luke and Leia embrace each other, both grieving. Luke pretends the reason he cries is the pain of his hand.

Luke feels hardened. He feels frozen again. When Han unfreezes, a part of Luke does too. But not all, not enough. Han still has the questions he froze with, he still loves the two of them. Luke is different, he is lost and cold. Leia is different, she is strong and warm. The war still calls to them, no matter how hard they try to ignore it. They have a duty to the galaxy that Han doesn’t remember accepting. There is no rest, no time to feel things. They have to stop the Empire, they have to stop Luke’s father. Luke faces impossible choices, he feels deranged, his moral compass has failed him and now he is hopelessly lost in a forest of misguided decisions and darkness. His father recognizes that forest. His father has been lost there for a long time, he refuses to leave his son drown in darkness alone as he did. As his father fades away, Luke believes he’s finally unfrozen. He tells Leia she’s his twin. Han regretfully thinks to himself that polyamory is out of the question now. Leia links hands with Han and looks up at him, he feels himself smile. Han looks to Luke and his lips curl into the small smile Han loves as if to say, “Its okay.” Han gives Luke the slight nod that always drew him in. Luke decides its okay.

More time passes, so much time. They are old and they were happy. Leia and Han were happy. Luke resigned himself to happiness. Then came Ben, Leia and Han were overjoyed. Luke was ecstatic. Then came Kylo Ren, Leia and Han were devastated. Luke was ashamed. He leaves, he can’t look at Leia and Han anymore, he can’t face them. He tries to find peace in nature but he can’t ignore what he knows. The Force tells him everything, he is too closely linked to Han and Leia. Perhaps he never fully unfroze. Luke feels it when it happens. Feels it like it pierces his own heart instead of Han’s, wishes it had. He knows Leia felt it too. He hears her cry out in anguish though he’s millions of miles away. He unfreezes. Finally and completely. Luke allows himself to finally cry and finally grieve. Eventually a girl stands before him, she felt Han die too, Luke can tell. She holds out his old lightsaber defiantly, almost daring him to reject her, to say no. Luke does not say no. He feels he finally left Hoth.


End file.
